


In Another Life

by underalilacsky



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Boo Seungkwan-centric, Character Death, Coffee Shops, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love at First Sight, M/M, Miscommunication, Possible Character Death, Short One Shot, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25493365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underalilacsky/pseuds/underalilacsky
Summary: !!TRIGGER WARNING!!- mentions of death/suicide/death by illness"I will always love you, you are my life. My love, do you remember the day we met? You were reading your favorite book and your favorite coffee. You said you like them strong. But, my love, how can I be strong if you left with a huge part of me?" He sobbed, his tear soaking the pillow. Still holding his t-shirt, tears blurring his vision. It's been six months since he left him. He was sick, hiding his illness behind his brightest smiles, but you could only hide so much until the darkness takes over you and consumes you."My love, I hope you're happy, wherever you are right now. I hope you know how much I love you. I love you so so so much," he closed his eyes as tears soaked through the shirt he's been holding. "I will soon be joining you, my love. I will see you soon."He closed his eyes and saw his face. His beautiful face.A smile formed on his lips, "I'm home, my love. I'll never leave you."
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Kudos: 14





	In Another Life

**Author's Note:**

> Please please do not read this if you are struggling with anything right now or if you are not in a good mental space. Always know that you are not alone, do not be afraid to ask for help.
> 
> You are loved!
> 
> Stay safe and healthy.
> 
> ps. I'm not a writer lmao this is just something that came up to me when I was procrastinating at work. But I do hope you enjoy it.

"How many kids do you want?"

Seungkwan said as he rolled on his side, holding his head up with his left arm to look at Vernon.

"Hm?" Vernon hummed in response, pretending to be asleep. Seungkwan adjusted the blanket on their naked bodies and poking Vernon's cheek for an answer,

"you heard me,"  he said silently, slightly pouting. Vernon finally opened his eyes, looking up at his boyfriend, smiling at the sight. He adjusted his body and opened his arms at Seungkwan, who's still pouting at him. Seungkwan snuggled to his bare chest, breathing in his scent. 

"I think it's time we plan our future, Nonie. We're not getting any younger. I want to raise children with you," he said, lifting his head to look at Vernon.

He chuckled at Seungkwan's sentiments,  "you're so pretty. Have I told you that?" He said, looking straight at Seungkwan's eyes, tucking a stray hair from his forehead.  "As long as you're happy, my love. I'll give you anything you want." 

Seungkwan smirked at him playfully, kissing his jaw,  "you're in luck. I'm not hard to please,"  he said as he littered Vernon with kisses.

-

A tear rolled down his cheek, as he realized how far his mind has fled away from him. Remembering the day Seungkwan told him that he wanted to start a family with him, was the day he knew about the illness he's been hiding so well from him. He will never forget the sound of Seungkwan's body hitting the cold, hard floor of their bedroom. He was getting dressed to prepare their dinner when he suddenly fell. Everything happened so fast. Vernon as if he flew, quickly rushed to Seungkwan and holding his head to his chest, crying for Seungkwan to open his eyes. No matter how much he shook him, he wouldn't wake up. He was crying so much, overwhelmed with emotion, thinking that he lost his love right in front of him. This is the first time it happened and he doesn't even know why it happened. 

He called their friends while driving to the hospital. Always looking at Seungkwan from the rearview mirror. Fighting his tears, and focusing on the road only thinking about getting Seungkwan to the hospital. Hitting red lights, not caring how much he'll pay for the traffic ticket. As soon as he gets in front of the emergency room, honking his car as much as possible to get the staffs' attention. He got out of the car and carried Seungkwan's still lifeless and unconscious body inside and laying him down on the hospital bed. Nurses and doctors rushed to attend Seungkwan, checking his reflexes and vital signs and attaching a bunch of contraptions on him. He finally broke down as he watched them working around him. A nurse tried to calm him down to ask him what happened. They asked him if he knew if Seungkwan was ill or if he has a history of any illness. He just shook his head "no". 

"Please save him," is all he could say. The nurse only bowed their head in response, "we'll do everything we can."

He was lead into a waiting area, not knowing what's happening to Seungkwan. He closed his eyes shut, his silent sobs echoed through the empty hall. He's praying hard that Seungkwan wakes up, promising to never leave his side, and telling him how much he loves him. Begging Seungkwan not to leave him like this. He still has so much to give him. Then he remembered the ring he was planning to give on their anniversary that he's been hiding in his car. 

-

Two hours passed and a doctor called for him, to inform him that they've already stabilized Seungkwan and is now admitted into the ICU. The doctor said that his illness is still unknown but they're suspecting it's an aneurysm. They are keeping a close eye on him as he's been intubated and they are going to run diagnostic tests on him. He was frozen, stuck in his place not knowing what to say and think. He begged the doctor to save the love of his life, but everything seems to impossible. 

Vernon waited for the go signal to see Seungkwan. When he slowly opened the door, he saw him peacefully sleeping in a coma-like state. He still looks like an angel. When he saw the tube that's helping Seungkwan breathe, he's on the verge of crying but he calmed himself. He doesn't want Seungkwan to see or hear him like this. Their friends are waiting outside for him. 

He sat beside his bed, gently holding his cold hand that used to be so warm. His face was pale, and his mouth slightly open because of the tube. The sound of the machine and the heart monitor is beating through the silent room. He knows that Seungkwan's eyes are not opening anytime soon, but he's hoping he can hear him. A tear rolled down his cheek as he placed a light kiss on Seungkwan's hand, breathing on them to keep them warm. "I love you so much, please fight for us," silently sobbing into Seungkwan's hand, he heard the monitor beep. "I want to build a family with you. We'll buy a big house, enough for our two kids and a dog. I'll let you decorate everything in our home," he whispered, his voice cracking a little. He heard another beep on the monitor. "I'll make you so happy, my love. We'll get married at that place you love so much. Just please, please fight. I still have to give you this ring," he said, chuckling lightly and pulling out a ring from his pocket and sliding it on Seungkwan's finger. "Marry me Seungkwan. Just please fight for us, my love. I promise I will never hurt you," he sobbed silently, trying to control his tears. "I'll give you the world, my love. Let's start that family you want, we'll be good fathers, I know it." He smiled as he looked at Seungkwan's face, beautifully sleeping.

"What do you say, my love?" He sobbed, lightly squeezing his hand as he heard another beep. This time, it not going away. Seungkwan's monitor is going on a straight flat line and the nurses are rushing to his side, pulling him away from the scene. Told to wait for outside, Vernon was in shock. Their friends stood up at the sight of him, having a slight clue of what's going on. As he fell to his knees, hysterically crying and shouting for Seungkwan to fight, begging him to not leave him without saying goodbye. He's crying so much at the thought of Seungkwan leaving him just like that is unbearable for him. He can't imagine his life without him. Without his smile, his voice, and the regular scolding he gets when he's not taking care of himself. He can't go. Vernon was yelling for Seungkwan to fight as their friends take him away and calm him down.

He cried as he hugged Seokmin tight, "it's so unfair, Seok. It's all too sudden. He can't leave me just like this." Seokmin's tears pricked his eyes, hugging Vernon back as tightly as he could. Everyone was crying at this point. They're all hoping and praying that Seungkwan survives this and live their days happily. But as time passes, their hope is growing thinner.

An hour and a half later, the doctor came out of the room with hesitation painted on their face. Vernon's head shot up, his eyes are bloodshot and puffy from crying so much. He silently listened to the doctor's explanations, tired and drained from everything since he took Seungkwan to the hospital. The doctor's words were just bouncing off of him, not really understanding a single thing. He was just standing there, not moving and staring off the distance. 

His hands were shaking as he was signing papers to check Seungkwan's body out of the hospital for the funeral home, to get him ready. They gave him his belongings in a plastic bag. The clothes that he was wearing when he took him to the hospital and the ring he slid on his finger before he passed. This brought back the tears he thought were all dried up. He hugged them close to his chest as his tears kept pouring, and memories flashing back. He realized that he's never gonna hear Seungkwan's voice in the morning, the songs that lull him to sleep and his touch that comforts him and keeps him warm. He realized a piece of him was taken away from him and stripped him of happiness. The one good thing in his life is now gone in a way he least expected. He signed all the papers and went home with Seungkwan's stuff.

-

Three days passed and Vernon has hidden from the world. All sleepless and tired. He hasn't talked to his friends nor his family since. He's keeping himself busy with organizing the funeral, not stopping for a second to rest. Joshua, one of their friends for the longest time approached him. "Hey," he said, hugging Vernon tightly. Vernon returned the hug, slightly smiling at Joshua. Still busy with the papers and flower arrangements on the chapel, he responded, "have you seen him?" Vernon asked, leading the older to the casket. "He looks so peaceful," Vernon uttered while staring at Seungkwan's face, his tears threatening to fall. "He left me so quickly," he chuckled lightly, wiping a single tear on his cheek. "I never even got to ask him to marry me. But I did give him the ring," he said pointing at the ring on Seungkwan's finger and smiling softly.

"He was asking me how many kids I wanted that night, Shua," his voice broke as he reminisced Seungkwan's desire to build a family with him. Joshua put his arm around his friend, wiping his own tears, "I know he loved you just as much. But sometimes, the people we love leave us unprecedentedly. It's not their fault but it does hurt. God knows how much this hurts." He said, gliding his hand on Vernon's back to comfort him. "You'll wish to be with them again. No matter what it takes. But, would Seungkwan want that?" Joshua looked at Vernon and wiped the tears on his cheeks. "I hope that you stay strong and get through this, Vern. We will mourn for him and remember him, but we will stay strong for him," he said, looking at Vernon's eyes. "Promise me, Vernon. Promise me that you will be strong, for yourself, for Seungkwan and for us-the people who care for you and love you." Vernon nodded and hugged Joshua tightly, resting his head on his friend's shoulder. "You should rest. When was the last time you slept?" Joshua asked, pulling away from the hug to look at Vernon. His eyes have dark circles around them, all red and tired. He also lost a lot of weight in such a short amount of time. He was looking sick and Joshua's face was painted with concern for him, "please take care of yourself, Vern. We're here for you." Vernon just nodded and thanked his friend. "I have to go. I'll check again on you later, please eat something, okay?" He hugged him one last time and left. 

-

On the day of the burial, many people came. All of their friends and family were there, mourning for him for one last time. 

The important people in Seungkwan's life were asked to speak to bid him well and he was last. He was feeling weak, his whole body was shaking but he has to stay strong for him. He stood up from his chair, dragging his shoes on the grass and forcing his legs to move but he got there anyway. He stood in front of the casket, looking at everyone who came, all of those whose lives were impacted by Seungkwan. He opened his mouth to speak, his mouth got dry with a huge lump forming on his throat. Tears started welling up in his eyes and threatening to fall. Everybody was waiting for him, their eyes also filled with tears. It took him all the strength left in his body to start talking.

He looked behind him at Seungkwan's casket. Comforting himself with his angelic and peaceful face. Mouthing 'I love you' before looking back at the people in front of him. "Seungkwan is the love of my life, he always will be. He brought us all here, connecting us through his kind and loving heart. He has taught me so much about love. He taught me how to love the little things, the good and the bad, but most importantly, he taught me how to love myself. He used to tell me every time, "Vernon, you're all I could ever ask for. Do you know that?" He paused, wiping the tear that escaped his eyes, "I'd always smile at him, thinking how lucky I am to love a man with a heart of gold," Vernon smiled at the crowd of people, looking at him and wiping their own tears. "My one regret is that I never gave him the family he always wanted. I never got to marry the man I love.. Seungkwan, you left me too soon," He chuckled, sniffling as he tried to continue. "But I hope you know that wherever you are right now, my love; I hope you know how much I love you. I love you so much." He finished his speech and turned around to place a flower with a blue ribbon beside Seungkwan. "Your favorite," smiling as he looked at Seungkwan's hand with the ring on. "Forever, my love." He whispered as he slowly walked away.

As they lowered him down, 6 feet beneath the ground, he looked up at the clear blue sky. The white balloons with letters to Seungkwan littered his view. Joshua and their other friends sat beside him after the ceremony, "what now?" Joshua spoke, the younger lifted his head, "I'll go to Jeju and spend a few weeks there to clear my head. I'll be leaving tomorrow," he responded. Joshua offered a warm smile and gave him a long hug, "be careful and take care of yourself. Call us, okay? We're always here for you." Vernon nodded, "I will, thank you." He gave everyone a hug and bid them goodbye.

-

6 months passed since Seungkwan's passing. He's been doing everything Seungkwan wanted to do. It's been 6 months since he's been to the home he and Seungkwan shared. It was dark and dusty when he opened the door. He stood by the door closing his eyes and imagining Seungkwan's voice as he greets him every time he gets back from work. Cooking dinner or sitting on the couch reading a book with Bookkeu on his lap. He gave Bookkeu to Seungkwan's sister when he was on his trip to Jeju. 

A tear fell from his eyes as he reminisced Seungkwan. He shut the door behind him, settling his things in the living room. He went up to their room, not able to hold his emotions, he broke down. Remembering all the stuff they talked about, their plans, and their dreams. All of them are gone now, just like Seungkwan. He went to their closet and saw his clothes. He picked up Seungkwan's favorite shirt, smelling it. "Why did you leave me this early?" His voice cracked as he hugged the fabric close to him.

He found a small box as he was organizing Seungkwan's stuff. As he opened the box, he found prescriptions. Vernon sobbed, putting a hand over his mouth as he looked through the medicines he found. It was a lot and the fact that Seungkwan hid all of them devastated him. "You should have told me," cried as he brought his knees to his chest, tears flowing uncontrollably. So much guilt and regret are eating him up. Seungkwan suffered alone. He was suffering but he never noticed. 

He stood up, walking to the bed. Curling up on Seungkwan's side of the bed, smelling him on his sheets and pillow. Still hugging the shirt he took from the closet, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

"I will always love you, you are my life. My love, do you remember the day we met? You were reading your favorite book and your favorite coffee. You said you like them strong. But, my love, how can I be strong if you left with a huge part of me?" He sobbed, his tear soaking the pillow. Still holding his t-shirt, tears blurring his vision. It's been six months since he left him. He was sick, hiding his illness behind his brightest smiles, but you could only hide so much until the darkness takes over you and consumes you.

"My love, I hope you're happy, wherever you are right now. I hope you know how much I love you. I love you so so so much," he closed his eyes as tears soaked through the shirt he's been holding. "I will soon be joining you, my love. I will see you soon."

He closed his eyes and saw his face. His beautiful face. 

A smile formed on his lips, "I'm home, my love. I'll never leave you." 

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it here, thank you so much. I know I've touched such sensitive topics, and I am very much open to criticism. 
> 
> Thank you and take care!


End file.
